My heart was recently pierced with a memory of my son, my first-born, as the world’s most adorable 4-year old boy. I know you’re reading this thinking your son was the most adorable. But that’s the point, isn’t it? God gives these amazing, wondrous gifts to rich and poor alike, but only as temporary caretakers. If we are lucky, they grow up and become independent, breaking our hearts as they leave.

I’m never going to get used to the fact that he’s gone. Talking to my own mother just after he left, she admitted it’s still difficult every time we pull out of the driveway…after 30 years! How depressing. I had thought I just needed a couple of months to adjust, but she only confirmed that I never would.

I know I should be grateful for the time we had with him, and I am. And obviously he’s still part of our lives, but 1100 miles away, I miss him. I have to accept the fact that children are only on loan to us. Our job is to teach them, to raise them, to love them, no matter what, and then to let them go. I wonder if this is how God feels about sending us into the world and watching us struggle? I guess I’ll just have to have that I did my job, that he’ll find his way. And be grateful that he was mine, if only for a little while.

“Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself. They came through you but not from you, and though they are with you, they belong not to you.” –Khalil Gibran


About Kelly J. McCleary

Wife and mother of three, author, financial professional View all posts by Kelly J. McCleary

2 responses to “Loan

  • Kelly J. McCleary

    Oh Ruth, that’s such a beautiful image of them going out and leaving their imprint on others…thank you for sharing! You may have even inspired another blog post. Merry Christmas to you and your family.


  • Ruth

    I understand 100%. Fair warning to you, it will feel quite similar when your second one/daughter leaves. Breaks your heart and at the same time your heart soars to the joy that they are off to leave their imprint on the lives of many more than their mother. God bless you.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: