My heart was recently pierced with a memory of my son, my first-born, as the world’s most adorable 4-year old boy. I know you’re reading this thinking your son was the most adorable. But that’s the point, isn’t it? God gives these amazing, wondrous gifts to rich and poor alike, but only as temporary caretakers. If we are lucky, they grow up and become independent, breaking our hearts as they leave.
I’m never going to get used to the fact that he’s gone. Talking to my own mother just after he left, she admitted it’s still difficult every time we pull out of the driveway…after 30 years! How depressing. I had thought I just needed a couple of months to adjust, but she only confirmed that I never would.
I know I should be grateful for the time we had with him, and I am. And obviously he’s still part of our lives, but 1100 miles away, I miss him. I have to accept the fact that children are only on loan to us. Our job is to teach them, to raise them, to love them, no matter what, and then to let them go. I wonder if this is how God feels about sending us into the world and watching us struggle? I guess I’ll just have to have faith..faith that I did my job, that he’ll find his way. And be grateful that he was mine, if only for a little while.
“Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself. They came through you but not from you, and though they are with you, they belong not to you.” –Khalil Gibran